| I find it sad I only find time to write when I'm down or something really good happens to me. I remember when I used to write everyday on my angelfire even when nothing particularly interesting happened. Reading my entries from way back when, I never missed more than a week between writing. I miss that. Ever since I started college those gaps became even larger. Even though those entries from middle school/high school were about nothing most times, it's really nice looking back and reflecting. I only wish I had time to write as much as I did back then. |
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| I've been searching for possible jobs after I graduate ... and I'm thinking of delaying that too for ACS certification. Bleh. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm afraid I'll end up an unsuccessful bum who can't find a good job to build up a resume that I don't think is good enough for anything right now. I'm looking for EXPERIENCE, but everything I'm looking at is asking for experience. How incredibly fitting for my situation. |
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| It's funny how I know when people are trying to piss me off. They can talk all they want, but they're not going to get a rise out of me. I know that's all they want from talking to me, but I'm not going to give that to them. They're not even deserving of any emotion from me. Until they get on my goodside (if ever they do), then I'm going to continue to be this way. It's asking a lot of me to act like nothing happened, although I'm so over that. And no, I'm not angry if that's what you're thinking. I'm just protecting myself. If you cross me that bad, it's hard for you get back. -- Wow, all this coming from the "very nice" Kat. (I'm just re-reading what I wrote and why did I refer to myself in third person?). Haha, don't get me wrong. I am nice, but if you hurt me or piss me off (which takes a lot and I mean A LOT), then that's a different story.
I think I'm too trusting. I have this tendency to only see the good in people and disregard the bad. If it's major, well, then I tend to think they can better themselves. I don't judge people by their past. I wouldn't say I'm gullible because I think that's such a negative word. In all honesty though, I think I was but I have learned. Not all people are like that, some people are so damn stubborn they can't see how they are and act on that. It especially hurt me since the person I loveD changed for the worse. For some reason, I always think people have potential. It's really sad if they don't see that. I gave them several opportunities to, but other people are different. Different attitudes and perspectives. I just have to get it through my head not all people are like me when dealing with certain situations. All I wanted was the same courtesy. That's all. Simple.
I love my dad. It hurts to see him like this. When I was little he was like superman to me -- nothing can hurt him. Last weekend he was lying in bed in pain and I laid down next to him hugging him. He was quiet for awhile, occasionally tensing up because of the pain and out of nowhere he says to me, "You know Kathryn. Your mom and I are getting old." I hugged him harder ... and left a little later because it made me want to cry. The next day he went back to the ER and was admitted to the hospital. He stayed there for four days and yesterday he came back home, but couldn't go to work because he can't even walk. The cause is the diet the hospital gave him. They focused on his diabetes but completely forgot about his gout. So what they gave him was mainly a protein diet, with very few carbs. Well, a lot of protein in my dad's system causes more production of uric acid in his body which causes his limbs to swell up and makes it harder for him to walk. My mom has taken off work this week to take care of my dad. I know she's as worried as I am. It's just that she can't hide it as well as I do. I know everything will be okay and people keep telling me that. It's just honestly scary ... and hard. First finding out he has diabetes years back. My dad having a heart attack (which scared the shit out of me). Liver/elevated potassium level problems. And then this. I just hate seeing my dad in the hospital.
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| NE-YO - lonely
GINUWINE - way back
PASSION - one more try
ONE CHANCE - that's my word
PAUL WALL - oh girl
AVANT - seems to be
DEVANTE - what am i supposed
AMOS LEE - colors
ELIAS - day i die
NE-YO - let go
JAMES BLUNT - goodbye my lover
MYMP - say that you love me
JJ LIN - down
DEVANTE - nobody knows
MYMP - tell me where it hurts
LETOYA - torn
JAVIER - loving you
JJ LIN - now that she's gone
LISA LOEB - stay
BAMBOO - much has been said
JOHN MAYER - comfortable
JOHN LEGEND - ordinary people
RYAN CABRERA - she's |
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| It is pretty messed up how people play on each others emotions. I am not naive/gullible, you know. I know bs when I hear it.
I have learned not to get my hopes up. If it seems too good to be true, then it probably is. |
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